I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
