the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize