I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's like iHOP with fire
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
