Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
