mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
