i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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