i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My vagina just clenched in fear
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