just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
