So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize