i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
