She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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