youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
