My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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