Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
