I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
