there was a trapeze. enough said
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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