I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
