We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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