I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
