How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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