i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
