why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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