WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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