I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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