Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
