my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
