I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
