There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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