anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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