Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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