i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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