Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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