so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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