Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
