I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
