morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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