Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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