ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
