Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
