How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize