I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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