I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
