You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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