i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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