i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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