i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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