Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
