he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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