just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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