it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize