I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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