i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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