I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
