I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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