Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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