if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
