I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
