In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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