I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
