im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
