I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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