oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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