ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
