I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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