I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
