I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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