We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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