Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
