i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize